Experiences from childhood can continue to affect you long after the original events have ended. You may understand that the past is over, yet still react to certain situations with fear, shame, anger, anxiety or a powerful need to protect yourself.
Perhaps you struggle to trust people, feel responsible for other people’s emotions or repeatedly believe that you are not good enough. You might find yourself reacting strongly to criticism, conflict, rejection or situations in which you feel powerless.
These responses are not evidence that you are weak or “stuck in the past”. They may be understandable ways your mind and body learnt to survive experiences that felt overwhelming when you were young.
EMDR therapy can help adults process distressing childhood memories and the beliefs, emotions and physical responses connected to them. The aim is not to erase the past. It is to help the past feel like the past, rather than something your nervous system must continue responding to in the present.
What Is Childhood Trauma?
Childhood trauma can develop when a child experiences something frightening, distressing, overwhelming or emotionally unsafe without having enough support to understand and process what is happening.
It may involve clearly identifiable traumatic events, such as:
- Physical, sexual or emotional abuse
- Domestic violence
- Neglect
- Traumatic bereavement
- Serious illness or medical treatment
- Accidents
- Bullying
- Parental substance misuse
- Living with frightening or unpredictable behaviour
- Separation from a parent or caregiver
Childhood trauma can also result from repeated experiences that may be less obvious to other people but still have a significant emotional impact.
These might include:
- Frequent criticism, humiliation or rejection
- Emotional neglect
- Having to care for a parent or manage their emotions
- Feeling responsible for keeping the peace
- Growing up around conflict or instability
- Having affection or approval withdrawn
- Being expected to hide feelings or needs
- Feeling unwanted, unsafe or fundamentally different
- Living with unpredictable rules or responses
- Being repeatedly blamed for things outside your control
Trauma is not defined only by what happened. It is also influenced by how the experience affected you, the meaning you made of it and whether you had a safe adult to help you cope.
Two people can experience similar circumstances and be affected differently.
Considering EMDR Therapy?
I offer EMDR therapy face-to-face in Swansea and online, including longer EMDR intensives. Find out more about my approach and the EMDR therapy I offer.
Find Out About EMDR TherapyHow Can Childhood Trauma Affect You as an Adult?
Children depend on other people for protection, reassurance and emotional regulation. When safety is absent or inconsistent, the child must find ways to cope with circumstances they cannot escape or control.
Those survival strategies may have been helpful at the time. However, they can continue automatically in adulthood, even when the original danger is no longer present.
The effects of childhood trauma can include:
- Anxiety or panic
- Low self-esteem
- Shame or self-blame
- Difficulty trusting people
- Fear of rejection or abandonment
- People-pleasing
- Perfectionism
- Difficulty setting boundaries
- Emotional numbness
- Anger or irritability
- Feeling constantly alert to danger
- Dissociation or feeling disconnected
- Difficulty identifying or expressing emotions
- Repeated relationship difficulties
- A strong inner critic
- Feeling responsible for everyone else
- Physical reactions to reminders of the past
You might know intellectually that a present situation is safe while your body reacts as though an earlier experience is happening again.
For example, a minor disagreement may trigger an intense fear of being abandoned. Constructive feedback may feel like proof that you have failed. Someone becoming quiet may create an urgent need to find out what you have done wrong.
The present event can activate an older memory network, together with the emotions, sensations and beliefs formed when you were young.
Can Childhood Trauma Cause PTSD or Complex PTSD?
Some adults who experienced childhood trauma develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, including intrusive memories, nightmares, avoidance and feeling constantly on guard.
Repeated or prolonged childhood trauma may also be associated with complex PTSD, sometimes called CPTSD. Alongside symptoms of PTSD, complex trauma can affect emotional regulation, relationships and a person’s sense of identity or self-worth.
However, you do not need to have a formal diagnosis of PTSD or complex PTSD for childhood experiences to be affecting your life.
Some people do not initially recognise what happened as trauma. They may simply know that particular situations produce reactions that feel much stronger than the situation appears to justify.
A careful assessment can help identify connections between earlier experiences, present triggers and the difficulties you would like therapy to address.
How Does EMDR Help With Childhood Trauma?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It is a structured psychotherapy designed to help the brain process distressing experiences that continue to create problems in the present.
Most everyday experiences are naturally processed and stored as memories of something that happened. When an experience is overwhelming, particularly during childhood, this processing may be disrupted.
The memory can remain connected to the original:
- Images
- Emotions
- Physical sensations
- Fears
- Survival responses
- Beliefs about yourself
- Beliefs about other people
- Expectations of what will happen next
EMDR helps activate the memory while using bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, alternating sounds or gentle tapping.
As processing takes place, the memory may become less emotionally intense and more clearly connected to the past. New and more adaptive information can also become linked to it.
For example, a belief such as:
“It was my fault.”
may begin to shift towards:
“I was a child. I was not responsible.”
Other changes might include:
- “I am powerless” becoming “I have choices now.”
- “I am unlovable” becoming “I am worthy of care.”
- “I have to keep everyone happy” becoming “I am allowed to have needs.”
- “I am not safe” becoming “I can recognise and respond to danger now.”
- “There is something wrong with me” becoming “I adapted to what happened.”
The aim is not to replace painful experiences with falsely positive thinking. The aim is for healthier beliefs to feel emotionally credible, rather than merely being something you understand intellectually.
You can read more about the complete approach in my guide to EMDR therapy and how it works.
Do I Need to Remember Everything That Happened?
No. EMDR does not require you to remember every detail of your childhood or produce a complete chronological account of what happened.
Some childhood memories are fragmented. You may remember particular images, sensations or emotions without having a clear narrative. You might also have periods of childhood that are difficult to remember.
Therapy can work with what is available, including:
- A specific memory
- A recurring image
- A physical sensation
- A negative belief
- A present-day trigger
- A feeling without a clear explanation
- The earliest experience you can recall of feeling a particular way
Looking for the Best EMDR Books?
Explore recommended EMDR books, from beginner-friendly introductions to trusted clinical guides for therapists and counselling students.
Explore Recommended EMDR BooksWhat Happens During EMDR for Childhood Trauma?
EMDR does not usually begin by immediately asking you to focus on your most distressing childhood experience.
The first stages involve assessment, understanding how the past is affecting you now and deciding whether EMDR is appropriate. Your therapist will also help you develop ways of managing distress and remaining connected to the present.
Treatment may include:
Understanding Your History and Current Difficulties
You and your therapist explore the experiences that may be connected to your current symptoms, beliefs, relationship patterns and emotional responses.
You do not necessarily have to describe every experience in detail. However, your therapist needs enough information to plan treatment safely.
Identifying Present-Day Triggers
Childhood trauma often becomes most visible through present triggers.
These might include:
- Criticism
- Conflict
- Someone raising their voice
- Feeling ignored
- Making a mistake
- Saying no
- Receiving attention or praise
- Physical or emotional closeness
- Authority figures
- Feeling trapped or unable to leave
Identifying these triggers helps connect present difficulties with the memories and beliefs that may need processing.
Preparation and Emotional Regulation
Before processing begins, your therapist will help you develop ways to manage emotional distress and return your attention to the present.
This may include grounding techniques, calming imagery, breathing, sensory strategies and identifying supportive internal or external resources.
Preparation is not a test you must pass. It is part of the treatment and should be adapted to what you need.
Processing Specific Memories
When you are ready, you and your therapist identify a memory to work on. You may be asked to notice an image, a negative belief, emotions and sensations in your body.
You then focus briefly on the memory while engaging in bilateral stimulation. After each set, your therapist pauses and asks what you notice.
You do not have to force a particular response or work out what you are “supposed” to think. The therapist follows what emerges while monitoring your level of distress and helping you stay connected to the present.
My article about what happens in an EMDR session explains this process more fully.
Why Can EMDR for Childhood Trauma Take Longer?
A single traumatic event may involve one main memory with a relatively clear beginning and end. Childhood trauma often involves repeated experiences occurring across several years.
There may be:
- Several connected memories
- Gaps or fragmentation in memory
- Multiple present-day triggers
- Deeply held negative beliefs
- Attachment and relationship difficulties
- Dissociation
- Limited experiences of emotional safety
- Survival responses that have become part of everyday life
Treatment may therefore require more time for assessment, preparation and identifying which memories to address first.
Sometimes a therapist will begin with an earlier or less distressing memory connected to the same belief, rather than starting with the experience that currently feels most overwhelming.
The pace should be based on your needs, not on pressure to process quickly. Taking time to establish safety and trust is not avoiding the work. With complex childhood trauma, it may be an essential part of it.
Will EMDR Make Me Relive My Childhood?
EMDR is trauma-focused, which means aspects of distressing experiences are brought to mind during processing. However, it should not involve being left to relive the past without support.
You remain awake and aware throughout the session. EMDR is not hypnosis, and you can pause at any time.
A trained therapist should help you maintain what is sometimes described as “dual attention”: noticing the memory while also knowing that you are in the present, in the therapy room or online session, and no longer in the original situation.
Working with traumatic memories can temporarily bring up emotions, dreams, sensations or related memories between sessions. However, becoming completely overwhelmed is not necessary for EMDR to work.
Treatment should be paced carefully and adjusted when needed. You can learn more in:
Can EMDR Help With Low Self-Esteem Caused by Childhood Experiences?
Childhood experiences can influence the beliefs you develop about yourself.
Repeated criticism, rejection, neglect, bullying or having your needs dismissed may contribute to beliefs such as:
- “I am not good enough.”
- “I do not matter.”
- “I am unlovable.”
- “I am a burden.”
- “I cannot do anything right.”
- “I have to be perfect.”
- “My needs are too much.”
- “Everything is my fault.”
Positive thinking alone may not change these beliefs because they are often linked to emotionally charged memories.
EMDR can help process the experiences through which those beliefs were formed. As the emotional intensity of the memories reduces, it may become easier for a more balanced understanding of yourself to develop.
Is EMDR Right for Everyone With Childhood Trauma?
No therapy is right for everyone, and EMDR should not begin without an appropriate assessment.
Before processing childhood trauma, a therapist should consider:
- Your current safety and living circumstances
- Your ability to manage strong emotions
- Dissociation or periods of losing awareness
- Substance use
- Physical and mental health
- Current crises or major instability
- Available support
- Previous experiences of therapy
- What you want to change
Some people can begin processing relatively soon. Others benefit from a longer preparation phase, and some may find that another therapeutic approach is more appropriate at that time.
This is not a judgement about whether you are “ready enough” or capable of healing. It is about planning therapy responsibly.
My guide, Is EMDR Right for Me?, explores these considerations in more detail.
