What is Codependency?
Codependency describes a relationship in which one person becomes so emotionally entangled with another that both individuals struggle to function independently. You may find your sense of self, routines, hobbies, and boundaries shifting as your focus centres on someone else’s needs, emotions, or behaviours.
In the context of addiction, this dynamic often intensifies: the non-addicted person feels responsible for the addict’s wellbeing, leading to long-term emotional strain, blurred boundaries and a loss of personal agency.
Three Key Signs of Codependency
Here are three major indicators that codependency may be present. Recognising these can be the first step towards change.
1. Self-Abandonment
When you’re codependent, your needs often take a back seat. You may stop doing activities you once loved, distance yourself from friends or family, or forego self-care because the other person’s issues dominate your time and energy. Over time this pattern can leave you feeling isolated, drained and disconnected from your own life.
2. Fear of Abandonment
A characteristic of codependency is a persistent fear of being left alone or unloved, often tied to the behaviour of the person you’re entangled with. You might feel compelled to monitor their whereabouts, shift your boundaries, or override your own needs to avoid conflict or separation. This fear drives decisions that might feel safe in the short term but harmful in the long run.
3. Weak or Blurred Boundaries
Healthy relationships have clear boundaries: you know where your role ends and the other person’s begins. In codependent dynamics, those lines become blurred. You might find yourself lending money you can’t afford, repeatedly rescuing someone from consequences, or absorbing another’s guilt or shame. Over time, the ‘helping’ behaviour reinforces the cycle and reduces your ability to act in your own best interest.
Other Common Symptoms
Beyond the three core signs above, you might also notice:
A strong impulse to please others at the expense of your own feelings and needs.
Low self-esteem or a sense that you’re only ‘okay’ when the other person is ‘okay’.
Neglected self-care: emotionally, physically or mentally.
A difficulty trusting yourself or others—leading to indecision or staying stuck in harmful patterns.
Caretaking behaviour that goes beyond healthy support into enabling.
Why It Matters
At its heart, codependency erodes your sense of self and your independence. While you may believe you’re helping the other person, you can end up sacrificing your own wellbeing, mental health and relationships. Acknowledging codependency isn’t about blame—it’s about recognising a pattern you don’t have to stay in.
Getting Help: What Can You Do?
If you believe you may be living with codependency, there is hope and there is support. Here are some steps to consider:
Seek counselling or therapy. Working with a qualified therapist allows you to explore the thoughts, feelings and behaviours underpinning the codependency. Therapeutic approaches (such as individual counselling or trauma-informed work) can help rebuild boundaries, self-worth and autonomy.
Join a support group. Groups such as Al‑Anon and Families Anonymous offer a safe space to connect with others who’ve experienced similar dynamics, share stories and build peer support.
Re-establish your identity. Re-engage in hobbies, social life and activities that nurture you. Set small goals for self-care each week and honour your own needs.
Learn healthy boundaries. Practice saying ‘no’, identify what you will and won’t accept, and what you need for your own wellbeing. This isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
Build self-trust and value. Recognise that your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s stability or approval. With time, you can reclaim agency and live more authentically.
